Recommended Reading

Above all I’m kind of a nerd. I love learning! These have been some of my favorite reads on sex, mental health, relationships and more.

I’m always reading so check back often.  Let me know if you’ve got something you love!

Here’s some reading that I recommend:

Woman: An Intimate Geography
by Natalie Angier

This book manages to be as informative as a textbook and as mesmerizing as a novel. I literally couldn’t put it down.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality
by Steph Auteri

When I first heard about this book I felt like I had found a kindred spirit in Steph Auteri (a chat over a Jersey Diner breakfast confirmed that feeling). Sex writing can make one feel like they are “supposed” to be performatively sexual at all times and I pretty much never want to do that… It was amazing to read the work of a smart and talented writer who agrees.

Get it here: Amazon

 

My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory
by Cooper S Beckett

Cooper Beckett speaks of non monogamy with the knowledge of someone who has lived it and the voice of someone who remembers what it’s like to be afraid to live it.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon, She Bop

 

Our Bodies Ourselves: A New Edition For A New Era
by Boston Women’s Health Book Collective

After nearly 40 years, Our Bodies, Ourselves is still an invaluable resource and belongs an every woman’s bookshelf. Smart, sex-positive, non-judgmental answers to all of your body questions.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, She Bop, Amazon

 

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good
by adrienne maree brown

There are books you read once and then put on your shelf and never open again and then there are books like Pleasure Activism. Not only is this book and important (and enjoyable read), it’s also something I find myself both referencing and pulling out to reread stuff often. This is a must-have for folks who care about, write about, talk about, or even just enjoy pleasure.

Get it here: She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”

 

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

 

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

 

Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution.
by Brené Brown 

Brené Brown’s work is amazing. I basically recommend it all.

Get yours: Bookshop.org,  Amazon

 

The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories
by Rachel Kramer Bussel

69 sexy short stories.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Early to Bed, She Bop, Amazon

 

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
by Susan Cain

A look at how, just by the nature of how they function, introverts are often undervalued and why that costs us all. I loved it because it made me feel (finally) understood.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life
by Elle Chase

Based on Elle Chase’s wildly successful class, Big, Beautiful Sex, Curvy Girl Sex covers sex positions, challenges faced by plus-sized lovers, and precise tips, tricks and techniques that cater big, beautiful bodies of all genders (don’t let the title fool you!)

Get it here: SheVibe, Peepshow Toys, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger
by Soraya Chemaly

Since the beginning of 2018, I have read A LOT of books about anger and women and, as last year’s list shows, I have loved several of them. That said, midway through Rage Becomes Her I knew I had a new favorite. So insightful, nuanced and intelligent, this book is also beautifully written and a pleasure to read. Soraya Chemaly not only knows her stuff, she knows how to make said stuff both impactful and accessible. I (and my boyfriend, actually) have been recommending this book all year long.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Vibrator Nation: How Feminist Sex-Toy Stores Changed the Business of Pleasure
by Lynn Comella

As many of you know, I have a bit of a thing for sex toy stores and love the history of the shops. So, clearly, I was so excited for the publication of Lynn Comella’s Vibrator Nation. Getting to do the work I do is an immense honor and I know I stand on the shoulders of some pretty amazing people to do it. My path, as a sex writer who came up through blogging, writing about toys and shops and has arrived at this wonderful place where I get to learn and teach and write, would not exist were it not for the history laid out in Vibrator Nation, I genuinely believe that. (I’m not crying right now… shut up!) Vibrator Nation is like a history lesson, family photo album, and fun sex geeky read all in one. A must-have for sex geek libraries.

Get it here:
She Bop, Bookshop.org

 

Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
by Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson has dedicated her career to removing stigma from masturbation- this book is a must-read for anyone trying to get comfortable with pleasing themselves.

Get it here:
She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicine and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, Misdiagnosed, and Sick
by Maya Dusenbery

As a woman who has struggled for YEARS with unexplained, mysterious health issues and who spent years feeling like no one believed me, and who has often suspected that doctors see the symptoms they don’t understand as ploys to gain attention rather than something they should learn about, this book made me feel seen, heard, and so much less alone. It also made me angry AF. I have quoted this book CONSTANTLY since reading it.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Body Outlaws: Rewriting the Rules of Beauty and Body Image
by Ophira Edut

Honest and humorous essays about body image, race, ethnicity and sexuality.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Disrupting the Bystander: When #metoo Happens Among Friends
by A.V. Flox

One of the most common (and rage-inducing) issues to come up again and again in the wake of #metoo is the confusing responses from those who surround people who have caused harm. The pressure “press legal charges or it didn’t happen” pressure that let’s a bunch of folks off the hook if victims don’t want to face the legal system as well as the enforced silence of people who have been abused in ways that are not technically illegal leave a lot of folks unable to speak up. Add to all this the confusion as to what to do when someone you love causes harm and you have a big mess. A.V. Flox does an excellent job of taking on that mess.

NOTE: I feel like I’m not doing this book justice (I have SO MUCH to say about this topic and don’t want to write a 1,000 word essay here!). Just know that it is a book I think we could all benefit from reading.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All
by Jaclyn Friedman

I read this book twice this year. Once in hard copy and again via audiobook (my preferred method for reading these days) and I have just fallen harder and deeper in love with it. Unscrewed is an important look at sexual politics, feminism, and the rules of power in America and also, perhaps unexpectedly, it’s a really enjoyable read. Unscrewed spoke to many things I already believed and challenged me to think differently and with more care about the world we do live in and the world we should live in.

Get it here: Good Vibrations, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners
by Charlie Glickman, Ph.D. & Aislinn Emirzian

I have referred to Charlie Glickman as a “prostate whisperer” and “prostate Batman”- he, along with Aislinn Emirzian, has written a book worthy of those titles.

Get it here:
Early to Bed, Lovehoney, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships
by Stella Harris

Stella Harris is someone who I so dearly admire; a fabulous person and awesome sex educator and I whole-heartedly recommend reading anything she writes. Tongue Tied is extra-special though. So many folks struggle with sexual communication and Stella is a sexual communication ninja who makes the topic fun and accessible. This books belongs in all sex geek libraries.

Get it here: She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Talk about Sex: The Battles Over Sex Education in the United States
By Janice M. Irvine

A comprehensive history of America’s sex education wars as well as an examination of the politics of sexual speech in the United States

Get it here: Amazon

 

 

Jane Sexes It Up: True Confessions of Feminist Desire
by Merri Lisa Johnson

Gripping, honest, sex-positive essays.

Get it here:
Amazon

 

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring A Woman
by Ian Kerner, Ph. D

If you sleep with people with vulvas you want to read this.

Get it here:
Early to Bed, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Sex Hacks: Over 100 Tricks, Shortcuts, and Secrets to Set Your Sex Life on Fire
by Kinkly

Tons of fun hints, tips and tricks from folks who talk a lot about sex, like me!

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon 

 

Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse
by Marty Klein, Riki Robbins 

Often we forget that sex is about more than sticking it in (especially when penises are involved). This book challenges the notion that “sex” necessarily means “intercourse”

Get it here:
Amazon

 

Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex
by Judith Levine

This book made me realize how much societal fear of sexuality can cause harmful/hurtful sex rather than the other way around.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Girl Boner: The Good Girl’s Guide to Sexual Empowerment
by August Mclaughlin

In a world that is simultaneously obsessed with and terrified of sex, this book is so very important. August does an amazing job delivering valuable information in an exceptionally comfortable way. This book feels like talking with a trusted friend.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules
By Sarah Mirk

Discussing a variety of relationship styles and featuring interviews with people who practice each of the styles, this book is accessible, easily digestible, and full of the kind of stuff we should be talking about when we discuss relationship styles.  This is a way underrated book that belongs in sex geek libraries everywhere.

Get it here:

Early to Bed, She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Girl Sex 101
by Allison Moon (Author), kd diamond (Illustrator)

This book is the inclusive game-changer the world needed in this moment when the way we talk about sex is so rapidly evolving.

Get it here:
She Bop, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

CUNT: A Declaration of Independence
by Inga Muscio

I can’t say it better than Bust did so I won’t try “Cunt does for feminism what smoothies did for high-fiber diets—it reinvents the oft-indigestible into something sweet and delicious.”—Bust Magazine

Get it here:
Good Vibrations, She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

This book is SO. DAMN. GOOD. From Emily Nagoski (whose last book, Come As You Are started the tradition of including books on this list!) along with twin sister Amelia Nagoski, take on stress and, in the process, make me (and I’m sure THOUSANDS of others) feel seen, heard, and understood. Beyond that, though, this book offers actual things one can do to address the stress that is burning so many of us out. Not the ubiquitous “cut down on stress” sound bites we already hear far too many of but real steps we take to stop stress from eating us alive. I recommend this book so frequently that I’m pretty sure I’ve annoyed people. Whatever, read it!

Get it here:  Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.

I find most people’s sex questions boil down to “Am I normal?”, this book uses science to tell everyone that yes, they are- and it does it beautifully.

Get it here:
She Bop, Peepshow Toys, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

The Big Bang: A Guide to the New Sexual Universe
by Nerve

Sexy, irreverent, hot, humorous and informative. What’s not to love?

Get it here:
Amazon

 

Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape
by Peggy Orenstein

Peggy Orenstein’s look at the obstacle course of double standards, unattainable ideals, unspoken rules, and unbalanced expectations navigated by young women is fascinating, a bit sad, and a huge reminder of why we do the work we do.

Get it here:
Good Vibrations, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Objects of Desire
by Rita Catinella Orrell (Author), Jason Scuderi (Designer)

A beautiful look at sex toy design peppered with interviews with some of my favorite folks! (Ok, I’m in there too!)

Get it here:
Bookshop.org,  Amazon

 

Orgasms
by Lou Paget

Because, you know, orgasms.

Get it here:
Good Vibrations, She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities
by Kevin A. Patterson

I can’t say enough about how good/useful/necessary this book is. Love’s Not Color Blind is, I believe, a must-read. Our communities have serious issues and Kevin breaks them down beautifully. Also, it must be said, his writing is FUN to read.

Get it here: Good Vibrations, She Bop, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
by Dr. Liz Powell

I loved this book. Nonmonogamy is such a complex topic and, through the use of both personal examples and academic knowledge Dr. Liz teaches about it beautifully. Frequently books about nonmonogamy end up being books about polyamory that leave me (someone who identifies as nonmonogamous but doesn’t use the word polyamorous to describe myself) feeling lost amidst all the lingo that I don’t use and like I’m maybe not spending enough time being actively poly. Not the case here! This book leaves room for multiple forms of nomonogamy (and even monogamy!). Building Open Relationships belongs on the nonmonogamy syllabus (not a real thing).

Get it here: She Bop, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Combining mental health history, current day commentary, and his own family’s heartbreaking story, Ron Powers created an absolutely devastating book that is a must-read for anyone studying mental health. It also gave me a whole new perspective on my approach to my own book so, bonus!

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture
by Carol Queen

The term “sex positive” is often misunderstood and misinterpreted – this should be required reading for folks who wish to use it.

Get it here:
Good Vibrations, Amazon

 

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex
by Mary Roach

Mary Roach manages to be at once exhaustively informative and laugh out loud funny. This book feels like learning a ton from your hysterical best friend. Rhesus monkeys, pyrex tubes and upsuck- oh my!

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

The Good Vibrations Guide To Sex
by Anne Semans and Cathy Winks

Clear, comprehensive and makes no assumptions about the gender of the reader or their partner.

Get it here:
She Bop, Bookshop.org

 

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness
by Cory Silverberg, Fran Odette, & Miriam Kaufman

The first complete sex guide for people who live with disabilities, pain, illness, or chronic conditions, this book is useful for absolutely everyone

Get it here:
Early to Bed, She Bop, Peepshow Toys, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

The Erotica Project
by Lillian Ann Slugocki, Erin Cressida Wilson

Erotic pieces ranging from short stories to poetry- this was the first erotica collection I ever bought.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Wake Up Little Susie: Single Pregnancy and Race Before Roe v. Wade
by Rickie Solinger

Fascinating look at the striking race-based differences in treatment of unwed mothers between WWII and Roe v. Wade.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Read Me: A Parental Primer for “The Talk”
by Lanae St.John

For so many of us, talking about sex is HARD. It can be even harder when we are navigating talking about it with children. Many of us bring to the table unhealthy ideas about sex that we learned from our parents, our peers, and society at large. Enter “Read Me”. This book is the antidote to all that discomfort and all those unhealthy (and often damaging) ideas about sex. Lanae St. John is an excellent educator and her voice shines through in this invaluable read. If you are a parent, get this book! If you are not a parent, get this book! Seriously, it’s a valuable addition to all of our libraries.

Get it here:  Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
by Tristan Taormino

The book that reinforced my suspicion that there are as many ways to be in relationships as there are partners.

Get it here:
Good Vibrations, Early to Bed, She Bop, Spectrum Boutique, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
by Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino answers all the questions you have about anal sex- and some you hadn’t even thought of!

Get it here:
Early to Bed, She Bop, Lovehoney, Peepshow Toys, Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women’s Anger 
by Rebecca Traister

I was hesitant to even start this book because, frankly, I feel like I’ve been super angry for years and didn’t know that I wanted to get myself more riled up everyday. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that instinct. Good and Mad made me feel seen, heard, and understood… it also may have planted the seeds for my next book.

Get it here: Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Down and Dirty: 69 Super Sexy Short-Shorts
by Alison Tyler

These bite-sized stories are perfect for a little sexy bedtime treat!

Get it here:
Amazon

 

The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women
by Jessica Valenti

Jessica Valenti navigates abstinence-only education, purity balls, porn, rape and abortion legislation to illustrate how our society has so little regard for women that it tells them their value lies entirely in their sexuality… which they are not trusted to control in any way shape or form.

Get it here:
Bookshop.org, Amazon

 

Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex
by Rachel Venning, Claire Cavanah, Jessica Vitkus

Practical sex advice, in a gorgeous book with amazing photos. I love Babeland and this book.

Get it here:
Amazon

 

Ditch the Bitch Stigma: Embrace Your Inner Badass
by Kali Williams

Ditch the Bitch Stigma is an intelligent, nuanced look at what it means to be a bitch and why it is not, contrary to what many of us have been conditioned to believe, necessarily a bad thing. Kali does a fabulous job of drawing the important distinction between toxic behavior and being the powerful assertive “bitches” who, in the words of Tina Fey, get stuff done. This book is a fun, smart empowering read that I recommend to anyone who has ever worried about being a bitch.

Get it here: Amazon

 

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal
by Sheri Winston CNM. RN. BSN. LMT

Beautifully comprehensive book on the wonder that is women’s sexuality- hello erectile network!

Get it here:
Early to Bed, She Bop