You Know You’ve Done It!!
I know I’ve done it and I’m pretty sure you have too. Ask your friends, I’m willing to bet they all have a story about the time it happened to them. There are a lot of mishaps that can take place in the bedroom but there are perhaps none more universal than this. It is responsible for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, arguments, accusations, resentment, recriminations, tears and in extreme cases the end of careers. The worst thing about this bedroom blunder is that it does not discriminate. It happens to people of every size, shape, age, race, gender, orientation and social standing- no one is immune to this one, epic, massive and entirely avoidable bedroom fail.
So what is this tragic but universal mistake everyone’s making in bed? Scroll down to find out!!
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KEEP SCROLLING!
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YOU’RE GETTING CLOSER!
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ALMOST THERE!
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HERE IT COMES!
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Setting the alarm for PM instead of AM.
Isn’t that the worst? You fall asleep secure in the knowledge that you have meticulously set your alarm for exactly the right time to do everything you need to do in the morning only to wake up late- maybe not even until someone calls you – and now you have to start your day all frazzled. BOOO!!!
Ok, now in all seriousness let’s talk about what got you here to read this post because I’m pretty sure that for many of you it wasn’t just my sparkling wit and master wordsmithery. Show of hands, how many of you knew you were being click-baited? Ok, put your hands down, you’re sitting at a computer and I can’t see you. Now did some of you click on the link even though you knew there was some blatant click-bait ridiculousness going on because you were concerned that you were making the HUGE mistake in bed and thought maybe I could tell you how to not do that? I’m thinking yes.
The internet is chock-full of articles, videos, listicles and podcasts that are banking on one thing: you are afraid that you’re doing it wrong. For the most part they are right, most of us (that’s right, “us”, because I do it too) are convinced that we are somehow failing and someone else has the answers. This feels particularly true when it comes to sex. Something I noticed shortly after people started sending me emails a couple of years ago was that so many of the questions really boil down to “Am I weird/broken/doing it wrong?” and almost always the answer is “no” (sometimes the answers are “See your doctor” or “This is not your fault, we need better sex education”). It doesn’t matter who is asking, the theme transcends age, body type, race, level of experience – all of it. Everyone wants to know that they aren’t doing it wrong.
Why does this happen? Where do we get this idea that not only is there a “right” but that somehow no one we know is telling us about it and also anyone who has a keyboard or a camera knows what it is. Amy Schumer does a great bit about women’s magazines and how they pretty much exist to tell us we’re never doing it right but maybe if we buy the right stuff we’ll get closer:
The upshot is a lot of people have a lot to gain from you thinking you are doing it wrong – clicks, sales, money, attention, fame- careers are built on keeping you in a constant state of insecurity. I want you to keep that in mind the next time you see an article claiming to have the BEST sex tips or the answer to what you’re doing WRONG or the key to make you come EVERY TIME (Have you ever noticed how much the click baiters over-use capitalization? My grammar school teachers would have a fit!). Anyone claiming to have the one answer that will definitely work for everyone is banking on you not only clicking but on some of you running back for more tips when this doesn’t work for you (because nothing works for everyone!) and you feel broken.
So, what can you do? Stick to sources that use inclusive language, that aim to teach rather than sell and that don’t scream at you. You can find a very small sampling of my favorite sites below (I love so many more- more on that in a minute!), you can find some great sex ed resources here, my favorite sex ed books are listed here, and writers and educators I love like Epiphora, Dangerous Lilly, Kate Kenfield, Lorax of Sex, Melissa White, Aeries Room have all posted fabulous guides (along with tons of helpful information) on their sites. .
Most importantly though, remember this: You are not weird, you are not broken, you are not doing it wrong – even if a lot of people want you to believe otherwise. You’re doing great.
Also, there’s usually a little light that turns on to let you know whether the alarm is set to AM or PM – make sure you check that. 😉
